Here We Cum"
A SuperTour 2004 Shooting Blanks Tour Diarrhea
1 - FRIDAY, MARCH 12th, 2004
I am sitting in the car riding through the Rocky Mountains as I
type this. Deech is driving (unsafely), Dan is talking to someone
(presumably his male life partner), and Brey is sleeping off his
heterosexuality. It is 9:19 Mountain Time, and we have been on the
road for 14-hours straight. We are on our way to Las Vegas.
is more boring than I can possibly put into words. No booze. No
oral sex. Nothing. Just shitty drivers and thin air that makes it
hard to breathe. There's not even any good cities to take pictures
of their road signs - like Manasses, PA or Fingerbang, KY. Everything's
like "Denver" or "Lincoln" or "Des Moines"
or lame shit like that. The coolest thing we've seen so far is a
statue at a gas station in some city in Colorado that reeked
of urine. I wanted to get out and get a picture of me humping it,
but we saw it too late and were already back in the car, so I just
took a picture of it through the car window (I'll post all pictures
post-tour). We also stopped at "Iowa 80" - the world's
largest truck stop. Fucking fascinating. Not really.
yeah, also we saw what can only be described as "terror".
Deech was driving and got scared of the ghastly spectacle. We got
pictures of it, so you can see (1
Colorado is really scary, so I recommend never going here unless
you're a real badass motherfucker.
car ride keeps getting less and less heterosexual as we get closer
to our destination. I'm having trouble getting to sleep without
wearing a pink silk sleeping mask, and I can't even count how many
times Brey has seriously used the word "pretty" to describe
the scenery around us. Maybe we should just turn around now before
Deech takes his hands off the wheel to start dishing out unwanted
hand jobs, and then we veer off the road and die.
all are getting very antsy to arrive in Vegas and begin what is
sure to be an insane alcoholic binge. High levels of intoxication
coupled with the exhaustion of a 27-hour-straight car ride could
prove fatal for one or more of us. Brey just told Dan "I hope
Matt dies." I love you, Brey.
the good fortune that I make it through the night and am not in
a coma, I will write an account of the little bit that I remember
of tonight's antics during our car ride to Los Angeles tomorrow
afternoon. Hoffman, out.
Utah is ridiculous. We came close to running out of gas, because
the entire state of Utah has 4 gas stations. I have no idea how
the IOCC got duped into having the 2002 Winter Games here, but it
must have been brilliant. So far, there are a lot of crazy rock
formations, and that's it.
and Dan are still "uneasy" about the Hoffman/Deech driving
tandem that has taken us through the mountainous terrain today.
Here are some statistics to get us up to speed on this issue:
of times driven into a ditch: 0
Number of cars rammed into: 0
Total driving disasters: 0
Collective hours spent complaining about flawless
about 2:00 Utah time, and we're looking at about 6 more hours of
driving until we hit Vegas. And I have to apologize ahead of time
if we do anything out of character tonight that might besmirch Vegas'
good name. Deech, out.
got into Vegas at about 7:00 PM and then got food. Dan had a friend
who let us stay with him on the floor
of his house. We wanted to take showers before we all went out,
on account of us all smelling like horse ass, but Dan's friend had
never used his shower in the 4-months he's lived at his place, so
he had no shower curtains. We pitstopped at Target, got some shower
scrubbed each other down together each took
had never been to Vegas before, so we took him to the strip. We
got to a casino, paid $7.00 for a beer, then decided that we were
a bunch of cheap-asses, so we went to some shit bars off the strip
where we got hammered for almost nothing. On the way, we watched
some water-fountain show or something. It was to some classical
music piece, but it would've sounded better if it was to "Louder!"
this bar we were at, there was a show going on called "Shock".
It was a freak show with people fucking with their bodies and stuff.
Dan didn't wanna go, but the rest of us love stupid shit, so we
pitched-in and paid for his ticket. It was pretty cool - we saw
a guy that I've seen a couple times on Ripley's Believe It Or
Not stick a bunch of needles through his body. We also saw A
guy pick up a 12-lb bowling ball with his dick. Totally badass.
of the highlights was this hypnotist lady. She needed volunteers
from the audience, so me and Dan each pointed at each other, and
she told us to both get on stage. She tried to hypnotize us, but
we were both too drunk. Plus, all I could think about was how much
I had to piss, so I couldn't concentrate. Realizing she'd just embarrass
herself wasting time with us two retards, she sent us back off stage.
It turns out that she got this other kid hypnotized, and then they
just put snakes and spiders and rats all over him. At that point
I was glad that it didn't work on me, cuz I hate that shit. She
should be glad that it didn't work on me too, cuz as soon as she
put spiders on my face, I would've woken up and slapped the motherfucker.
that, it was back to the luxury
suites for a night of restless slumber on the hard floors. SuperTour
2004 - fuck yeah...
2 - SATURDAY, MARCH 13th, 2004
This day started off tragic, but funny. Me and Dan got up
to load the van so that we could head out to LA, and when we got
outside, there were two
dead birds laying by our van. I'm no veterinary forensic scientist,
but the weird thing about it is that they had no noticeable physical
damage - it's like these two birds just both had a heart attack
at the same time and keeled over dead.
we decided that they would make great mascots, so we put SHOOTING
BLANKS stickers across their stomachs, and (in a bout of hungover
creativity) named them Shooting
and Blanks, respectively. Dan and Deech loaded up the
van while Brey and I took videos and photographs exploiting and
defiling our new dead mascots. There's a great shot of me humping
the dead birds, but you can't tell because it just looks like I'm
in agony over their recent passing. Anyway, luckily Brey was
videotaping my bird-rape, so we have live footage.
we thought that there was nothing more to do that would piss off
PETA when we send them the tape and photographs of our antics, we
decided to try to attach Shooting and Blanks to the radiator grill
of our van and take them on tour with us. I had never strapped dead
animals to the front of a car before (except for twice), and it's
a lot harder than you'd think. Blanks was saturated in Vodka because
Brey poured Popov on him when conducting
the eulogy, so he wasn't staying on the van well at all. Brey
and I got Shooting secured on pretty well (so we thought), and we
figured we'd just cut our losses and only take Shooting on tour
with us. At our first pitstop for gas, we saw that Shooting had
fallen off somewhere in Nevada. Tragic. But funny.
got into Los Angeles, met the Flipout
guys, and got some food. We had a show scheduled that night
at Jonny Foxx's, and that got canceled a couple days earlier. Then
we got a show booked at a place called The Scene. About a half-hour
before the show, the manager of The Scene notified Flipout Steve
that the show was canceled because he was afraid that we would draw
too many people into the bar, and then it would be a hazard. Let's
forget for a second the maddening idea that SHOOTING BLANKS would
bring "too big" of a crowd anywhere - aside from that,
what business owner doesn't want a lot of people at their
establishment? Weird. But all was not lost...
Steve got on the phone and organized a last-minute party at
11:00 that night that we could play at. It was a good turnout, and
we all got nice and shitcanned. We oftentimes call Brey the "ManChild"
of the band, and tonight the greater Los Angeles area got to see
why. All-in-all, I came to see that the social situation out West
doesn't differ much for SHOOTING BLANKS as it does in Chicago -
all the girls like Deech so they ignore the rest of the band, Brey
disgusts and repulses rooms full of women at a time, Dan goes in
early, and I bitch a lot.
in what can only be described as some fucked-up alternate universe,
this particular night it was Dan who hung out and got shitty
with us all night, and Brey who ended up going home early
like a big lame pussy. Life is funny sometimes. So, Dan, Deech,
this girl Mona,
guys, and myself went to this place called Norm's that is basically
a Denny's. We got food and saw "Bum Rage". This homeless
guy was throwing shit all over the place in the restaurant and grumbling
obscenities. Norm's kicked him out, but then we invited him to sit
at our table - bad mistake, cuz the guy smelled like a dead animal.
Soon the cops came and made him go away. Then, Flipout Steve met
a stripper named Lisa, and she hung out to eat with us. She stood
up and showed us this big-ass tattoo over her vagina of someone's
face. It made me want to get Deech's face tattooed over my
that, we went back to Mona's place where we drank until the sun
came up and then went to bed for a couple hours. Dan slept on a
floor and me and Deech shared a bed together. He was wonderful.
3 - SUNDAY, MARCH 14th, 2004
We really didn't have much of anything to do today. After we all
woke up, we just bummed around Mona's
house most of the afternoon. I was beginning to come to the conclusion
that everyone in LA has way more money, fun, and free time than
us Chicagoans. Yeah, you guys suck. I don't ever wanna leave this
never watched so many cartoons in one day as I did today. No shitting
- we probably watched 3 full seasons of "Family Guy" and
two full seasons of "King Of The Hill". By 6:00 PM we
were all getting the shakes of sobriety, so we knew that we needed
to get some alcohol quick before detox started setting in. Deech,
Mona, Flipout Andy, and myself went to a grocery store to get food
got pretty drunk bumming around and watching DVDs. I wanted to see
the Avril Lavine live DVD, so we put that in. Deech started getting
really upset - like more upset than I really think I've ever seen
Deech in the 9-years I've known him. It's funny that a little Canadian
girl could cause Deech so much pain. He kept talking about how "manufactured"
and stuff she is, and I kept saying that it didn't matter because
she's young, she's cute, she drinks, she says the word "fuck"
a lot, she's rich, and she seems pretty stupid - those are all qualities
in the perfect woman for me. Agree to disagree, Deech.
after her live cover of "Basket Case" by Green Day, Deech
could take no more, so we spared him by putting on the blockbuster
hit "Drumline". For those of you who haven't seen "Drumline",
it's a ridiculous movie about dedication to drumming. This opened
up a world of opportunity for us to make fun of Dan for a couple
hours. As an aside, we've really logged a lot of hours on this trip
making fun of each other. I'll bet that we spend a good 4-5 hours
of our day just insulting one another. "Dan likes guys",
"Brey's a fat manchild", "Hoff's a freakish midget",
and "Deech is a lanky douchebag" pretty much sum up the
groundwork for the insulting, but sometimes we mix-and-match. Like
maybe Deech will be the raging homosexual and Dan will be the lanky
douchebag - we get creative. I'm sure that the Flipout guys probably
think that we hate each other. The truth of the matter is I love
these guys. As much as I love a genital herpes outbreak.
4 - MONDAY, MARCH 15th, 2004
Another hungover morning. We got up and I finally got my laptop
connection working, so I posted a really quick tour update saying
that we're not dead, and in fact it's just that my shitty office
dial-in connection was fucked.
and I went and layed out near this cliff in Malibu and started drinking
first thing in the morning. We were out there for about 2-3 hours,
and were convinced that we weren't getting any sun because we weren't
very hot and neither of us looked any darker than when we got out
there. Turns out we were wrong, but more on that later....
in the course of that 2-3 hours, I end up talking to this casting
director from VH1 who I spoke to about 8-months earlier about being
on a reality TV show. I'm a total media whore and I have a wildly
unhealthy addiction to reality television, so I'd do any shameless,
demoralizing, self-deprecating thing to get my 15-minuntes. Anyway,
this lady said she wants to put SHOOTING BLANKS on this show in
July where we can embarrass ourselves like idiots. She actually
told me that we had "the image" that they were looking
for. Huh? I'm not the most "hip" guy on the planet, but
I wasn't aware that the new "in" image in music is four
ugly drunk guys. Teen Beat, here we come!!!
got inside from our
make-out tanning session, and that's
when we came to realize that the sun in Malibu, California is hot.
REAL fucking hot. So hot, in fact, that it had seared the living
shit out of Dan and mine's epidermal layer. As I sit here typing
this, we both look pretty ridiculous - all beet-red and retarded.
We're idiots. Then we went to the beach and I took some shots of
the guys in the band when they weren't looking, and the shots look
like they should be the cover of some Christian rock CD or something.
Funny stuff: (1
show that night was at a place called "The
Gig" in Hollywood. It was a really cool venue, and the
sound there was awesome. We didn't get pictures of us playing, but
I'm sure you don't care cuz you've all seen us on stage a million
times before, and it pretty much looks the same, except for the
fact that Dan and I are pink.
was off on tuning during our set, and based on his track-record,
I coulda sworn it was Brey. I told him to check his tuning, and
he said he was in tune. Then I asked him again, and he started getting
angry. This made me laugh, and so at this point I knew he was in
tune, but I also knew that he was a loose cannon, so I kept telling
him like 3 or 4 more times to tune his guitar, just to set him off
and to cause amusement for myself. This was really funny to everyone
but Brey, and it got even more funny to everyone but Brey when the
show ended and he went on a super Brey-Rage.
think at that point (and even still as I type this the next morning),
Brey still thought that I thought he wasn't in tune because I kept
harassing him about it, just for fun. He was yelling and screaming,
and so we got out the video camera to capture the magic on film.
He was bitching like a little sissy, and it was classic. The more
times he said "I'm going to stab you, Hoffman", the more
me and Deech and Flipout Steve would tell him that he needed to
fix his guitar or something else to set him off. I was waiting for
him to punch me, and I really hoped he would've done it on film.
ended up well, though, because Brey crawled into my bed to end the
night. No matter how upset he gets with me, at the end of the day
that crazy ManChild just can't resist the Hoffman charm. I wish
I had that effect on women. That was at about 4:45 AM, and Deech
was still up drinking with Flipout Steve - read on...
5 - TUESDAY, MARCH 16th, 2004
It is early Tuesday morning. None of us have gotten more than a
few hours of sleep each night, but this particular morning me and
Brey woke up to the sweet sounds of drunken Deech. He is currently
still on an all-night bender from before. He has been drinking expensive
tequila, whiskey, and vodka non-stop since we got back from our
show last night at 1:30 AM. He just walked in from outside with
an enormous gash
on his hand, and he's bleeding profusely. I don't know what
it's from. I'm going to let him write to all of you now, and I'm
sure he'll tell you all about it - this should kick-ass:
Hey kids, flipout steve here, dictating a drunken
memoirs from the mysterious deech who is physically incapable of
typing for himself:
I'm deech bitches, and my hand hurst, i need some
bandages (breaks into song) bandages on my arms and my legs
for you, bandages, bandages, bandageeeeees!
<Now deech is wandering around, aimlessly, still
singing 'hot hot heat'>
I wish all of you could be here wit my hurted hand,
its blood on me. Weer is my... there is a stain on my shirt. Shit.
is now passed
out on the bed. It may be exhaustion, or it may be massive blood
loss - either way, there's no arguing the fact that this is turning
out to be one helluva kickass day.
may be dead. He's still unconscious. I hope he wakes up for our
show tonight. I hope Brey can stay in tune - ha!
HAPPENED TO ME - by The Mysterious Deech
That was certainly an interesting night there. I guess we drank
a bottle of this crazy tequila called Patron, and it's supposed
to make you high in addition to being drunk. And we must have been
high when Steve and I decided to do some "exploring" in
the hills near our place in Malibu. Details Are sketchy, but the
goal of our expedition seemed to be to get into this abandoned apartment
complex for some reason, and doing that meant hopping a series of
fences. I forgot that LA County is known for their legendary sharp
fences, and caught a doozy in my left hand going over the last one.
Anyway, 4 stitches later, it now hurts like a sonofabitch to play
bass, but it's all good. Hoff and Brey took me to the hospital the
next day to get it stitched, which was really boring except for
one thing: the bum from Norm's the other night was in the emergency
room also! He was just as disheveled as the night he was in Norm's,
and that's pretty disheveled. Which reminds me, I need to get some
more drinking done. Deech, outpatient.
3/4 of Shooting Blanks was at the
hospital (I'm getting pretty sick of hospitals), the housing
association that controls the property in Malibu that we're staying
at gave us 3 days notice to vacate. Neighbors were telling Mona
(The Super-Cool Girl who owned the place) that they have pictures
of Dan and Hoff drinking on the roof of the
van, and that people (Steve and I) were being excessively loud
all night/morning. It's hard to argue, since they're right, so now
were staying at a hotel in Venice (conveniently located only minutes
away from the hospital).
The waiting room at the hospital was pretty fucked-up. There are
a lot of "colorful" characters in Venice, to say the least.
A woman sat down next to me, and then another woman came up and
said to her "Okay, I'm leaving you here now. When they call
your name, make sure to tell them that you want to stay here because
the voices in your head are getting very bad. Explain to them how
they're making you cut yourself." And then she just left this
crazy broad sitting there. I was waiting for her to turn to me and
start speaking in tongues and chewing on my shoulder or something.
Deech finally got out, we had to go straight to the show at The
Good Hurt because it took forever to heal our accident-prone
bassist. Deech and myself hadn't showered since yesterday morning,
so we smelled like beer and rock'n'roll still from the night before.
When we got the club, I just sprayed my body with deodorant, but
that didn't do much. Deech remained stinky, to the best of my knowledge.
The Stripper from Day 2 showed up at the show, so afterwards her,
Flipout Steve and SHOOTING BLANKS went back to our hotel room to
continue binge drinking. Things got a little unusual at that point
- and I say that even after seeing the inside of Deech's hand, watching
a guy lift a bowling ball with his Dick, and strapping dead animals
to a radiator grill. Going into detail of 2:00AM - 5:00AM would
most certainly be incriminating to most parties present, but some
of the events included:
beer-bottle sodomy (with a topless chick)
full-frontal striptease to) an a capella version of "Louder!"
BLANKS mega-promotion with personalized fun-flags (and naked females)
much more (with stupid naked broads)
it be known that although I did not have my digital camera handy,
Brey videotaped all of the night's festivities, so keep a look out
for the SHOOTING BLANKS UNCENSORED DVD - it'll all be on there.
If you really need to know the juicy details beforehand, come to
a show and ask us about it - we'll be happy to recount the seedy
tales of tour gone astray in return for your superFan support!
6 - WEDNESDAY, MARCH 17th, 2004
As if SHOOTING BLANKS really needed another excuse for mass alcohol
consumption, today is St. Patrick's Day. Dan and I woke up first,
and decided to go to a nearby laundry place to wash some clothes
because we were sick of wearing the same dirty shit for days in
a row. When we were there, I found out that my freakishly small
stature blessed me with the benefits of being able to fit comfortably
into an industrial-sized dryer. We got some really fucking great
pictures of me drying myself (1
When we got back to the room, it smelled terrible - like, I thought
that our van reeked of man-ass, but this was ten-times worse. We
decided to get a second room in order to disperse the stench over
a larger area.
the afternoon, we went out to Venice beach. The Flipout guys kept
talking about how they knew of this place where you could get giant
slices of pizza for 99-cents, but the thing is that it is the worst
pizza ever. I didn't believe that there was even a such thing as
"bad pizza", so I was excited to check it out. I ate a
couple slices, and although it was in fact the worst pizza I've
ever had, it was the best $1.98 I'd ever spent because I got all
filled-up for so cheap! We got some cool pictures on the boardwalk
of a guy
who rollerblades around while playing old metal songs on his
guitar and also this
other guy wearing nothing but a black thong who plays with steel
balls. He made me pay him a dollar to take his picture, but it was
well worth it because now Dan had spank-material for when we got
back to the hotel room.
drank around the hotel room, and then headed out to a bar to see
Nothing Special play. They were nice enough to actually call us
on stage in the middle of their set so that we could play "Louder!".
That was really badass of them to let us completely kill their set
like that. Brey wasn't drinking at all, so he wasn't "on his
game". We were using all of their instruments, and due to my
height limitations, the guitar I was playing was like down by my
knees, so I sucked. Dan is just talentless in general, so he didn't
play well either. Deech, of course, was perfect and all the women
loved him as usual. Stupid Deech. He's fucking fired.
Brey was staying sober that night, we knew that we had to step it
up a notch or two and drink extra in lieu of his abstinence. That
wasn't a problem. I know I was pretty much shitcanned, and I think
Dan was too cuz he was hitting on this band guy all night. Deech
was doing his fair share of bottle-tapping as well, so I think it
was a successful night for the "SHOOTING BLANKS Race To Liver
Failure". Afterwards we went to a party at one of the Nothing
Special guys' houses. I don't remember too much from that except
for this girl burning me with her cigarette. Then we were hungry,
so we went to Jack-In-The-Box for food.
was a great part of the night, because you could get two tacos for
99-cents. So now, in less than a 24-hour period, I got the following
items for a dollar: a huge slice of shitty pizza; a picture of a
guy in a thong; two tacos. What a fucking steal. Nothing too "eventful"
happened today, but there certainly was an assload of liquor consumed.
Tomorrow it's off to Vegas where 99-cents won't get me jack shit.
7 - THURSDAY, MARCH 18th, 2004
We got up, got ready and left for Vegas around 3:00 PM. Despite
the fact that this was a 4-hour trip, we didn't arrive until almost
11:00 PM. The
Flipout guys were having car trouble, so we stopped at about
six different auto shops before we found one that would service
their car. No harm done, though, because we had cold beer in our
van to keep us company while we waited in the parking lot of the
hotel we're staying at is called The Klondike - it's about 4-blocks
south of the strip. For a cheap, classless, easy-to-please motherfucker
like myself, this place kicks ass for several reasons - the first
of which being the room Dan and I were staying in. We got into our
room, and the first thing we noticed were two big gaping holes -
one in the front door and one in the bathroom. The curtains to the
main room were halfway ripped down, and there was no soap or shampoo.
I called the front desk (on our room's phone, which looked to be
the first non-rotary phone ever created) and asked if they had anything
to clean ourselves with - they said that we could walk down and
get soap, but no shampoo.
there's this mystery door in our room. The doorknob is ripped-off,
and I'm sure that I could open it if I put any effort into it, but
quite frankly I'm afraid. I began unpacking my stuff, and I heard
running water. Oh, someone had forgotten to turn the sink off. No
wait, my bad - the sink just doesn't turn off at all. The soothing
sounds of our running faucet are way better than those crappy "beachfront
serenity" audio CDs that are supposed to relax you - I'll be
sleeping easy tonight!
the time we got all settled in, it was kinda late, and we decided
that this place was super-cheap so we could have fun getting hammered
down at the Klondike's casino without spending a ton of cash that
we didn't have. We wanted food first, so Deech, Dan, the Flipout
guys, and myself all went down to the restaurant in the casino.
Here I discovered another reason why this place kicks-ass - the
cheapest motherfucking food you've ever seen. We got HUGE prime
rib dinners with potatoes and carrots and soup/salad for $4.95.
We could've also gotten a full pasta dinner for $2.49. They had
a special where you could buy a pizza for $2.25, but if you added
a beer onto your order, the total was only $3.00. They also had
dollar margaritas. Then, remember what I said earlier about not
getting jack shit for 99-cents in Vegas? - I stand corrected. They
have full breakfasts in our hotel for 99-cents. Fucking badass.
the gambling stuff was really cheap too, and it wasn't crowded at
Andy literally won over $200 on penny slots - un-fucking-believable.
The rest of us played $2-blackjack all night. My goal was to drink
enough free alcohol at the table to offset the money that I would
inevitably lose because I suck at gambling. I succeeded, as I ended
up down $10 but totally shitcanned without ever paying for a drink.
At about 2:30 AM the pitboss cut us all off from drinking, and I'm
not quite sure why because I don't think we were being belligerent
or anything. Oh well, fuck it - we all just went back to Deech and
Brey's room to drink beer that we had.
the way, I stopped at the front desk to pick up soap. They gave
me a bar of soap from the Embassy Suites. I showed Deech and Brey,
and they said that the soap in their room was from the Holiday Inn.
The Klondike steals other hotel soaps to give to their patrons -
and Brey's room was broken-down too, but it looked like the
penthouse suite at The Bellagio compared to mine and Dan's room.
They had this really odd kind of off-shoot room in it. I don't even
know if "room" is the right word for it - it's more of
just a tiny cell with a third bed in it. It's hard to explain, but
the best way to describe it is that it looks like something where
if you were staying with your friends and you brought back a hooker,
that's where you'd bring her to bang her without disturbing your
roommates. I'd definitely throw down some money that says Deech
and Brey will have a romantic night of cuddling in the hooker room
until the sun comes up.
wanted some 99-cent breakfast, but I wasn't hungry, so at 4:00 AM
they all left to get food, and I went back to our room. Nothing
at all exciting really happened today, but as you can see, on SuperTour
2004 even the most uneventful days end up with us getting blitzed
until all hours of the morning. I turned on the TV before I went
into bed and "Saved By The Bell" was on - that's when
I really started to miss television. The two loves of my life are
TV and cheap beer, and this past week one of my passions has been
stripped from me. Shows that I've missed include Real World, Survivor,
Simpsons, and the 2-hour Britney Spears exclusive on E!, just to
name a few. I'm getting teary-eyed now - gotta go.
8 - FRIDAY, MARCH 18th, 2004
We woke up and spent most of the day just hanging around doing nothing.
Flipout Andy won another $300 on penny slots - UN-fucking-believable
At around 5:00 or so Nothing Special showed up in Vegas cuz we were
playing the show that night with them. Drinking commenced at that
point, and Deech & Flipout Steve went to go make some flyers
for the show.
had intentions of going and flyering
for the show beforehand, but the combined motivation levels
of SHOOTING BLANKS and Flipout Records is nothing to boast about,
so we just ended up getting to the Double Down Saloon early and
drinking until the show started.
Double Down kicked ass. It was a dingy little punk club, but fun
as hell. They had $2 beers all night, and they also had bacon margaritas
and a drink called "ass juice". The bartenders wouldn't
tell me what was in their ass juice, but I had a few glasses of
it, and it was good stuff.
were supposed to go on first and play for 40-minutes. Instead, we
closed the night out and played a crazy balls-out 2-and-a-half
hour power set! The crowd was nuts and the place had a ton of
people in it - our friends
Coconut Creations (who made our kick-ass t-shirts that you
should all buy) even flew out from Portland, OR for the show.
Despite SHOOTING BLANKS' "make love, not war" hippie rock,
we still managed to incite riots as two separate physical
fights broke out during our set. One of the fights was between two
girls, which was even cooler. Since we were on stage at the time,
we don't know the circumstances behind the brawls, but I would guess
that the girls were fighting over Deech and the guys were fighting
over Dan. Brey got naked to close the night out and show Las Vegas
how SHOOTING BLANKS rocks in Chicago.
made us finally pack up and leave at 4:00 AM, and after that the
night is kinda blurry. I know that SHOOTING BLANKS, Nothing Special,
the Flipout guys, Malibu Mona, the Crazy Coconut crew, and some
girl named Angie that I met at the Double Down made it back to The
Klondike where we were staying because we all wanted 99-cent breakfast.
I'm not sure what time that was at, but I know that the sun was
up and it looked like morning. I don't remember much from that either
except that it seemed like I got a lot of food for only 99-cents,
and also that girl Angie did like thirteen shots of coffee creamer.
that, I think Deech stayed and gambled for a little bit more and
I think the rest of us went in. It was like 7:00AM or so at that
point, and we had to be up at 10:00AM for our 27-hour drive straight
9 - SATURDAY, MARCH 18th, 2004
We actually woke up in time and took off on the road. Brey was an
incredible driving machine again and pulled-off another super-long
graveyard shift on the road - for a brief moment I didn't hate him.
The last 27-hours of the trip are super-boring. If you want to know
what happened, then go back and read the "DAY 1" entry
only cool things that happened on this drive that did not
happen the first day is that Dan got drunk and we saw a super fucking
awesome truck explosion (1
Roadside carnage is fucking badass.
Well, kiddies - we're not dead. This is our first tour that we made
it back from without having a band member quit, so I suppose that
alone is a mild success. I think I speak on behalf of the entire
band when I say that although Illinois weather sucks ass, we can't
fucking wait to get into our own midwestern beds and sleep for more
than 4-hours. I think that all of us but Dan will also be happy
to not have to share a bed with another man anymore.
BLANKS would certainly like to thank Flipout
Coconut, and all the badass
motherfuckers out West who watched our sets and bought our merchandise
so that we had gas money to get home. We'd also like to thank you
who are reading this, because if you have made it this far in the
tour diary then the amount of free time that you have is absolutely
astounding. Go get a job or do something productive.
ya next SuperTour,
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